There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
