I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
