my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
