my mouth tastes like poor choices
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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