And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
