You can't motorboat a personality
I think I won the penis lottery.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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