We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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