dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
