I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize