dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I see more hoeing in ur future
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
