The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
