do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
