i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
