just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You took a bar mat shot.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize