I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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