this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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