no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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