If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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