She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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