maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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