It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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