i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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