he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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