She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
