dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize