So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
