Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just found puke in my bra..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
