Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
