capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
