At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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