so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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