He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize