My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
