then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
