Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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