dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I will pee on everything he values.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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