I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
