The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
