I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
