Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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