sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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