dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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