whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
