You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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