Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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