i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
