so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
