Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize