I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
