Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
