i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
