what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
