I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize