His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize