Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
