My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We smell like vodka and hangover
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