Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
