Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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