tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
