Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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