either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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