I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
