Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
