Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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