Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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