we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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