So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
