lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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