My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
