just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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