They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
