I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
