Pants 0. Shit 1.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
