Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
