After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
