after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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