Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
