So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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