i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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