just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize