just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
