Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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